I'm new here and just thought I'd take advantage of the anonymous posting to talk about an issue I've had forever. I'm 22 years old and I'm sure so many girls, and even boys, can relate to the idea of comparing yourself to those surrounding you in order to consider your own attractiveness.
I am surrounded by so many beautiful people in and out and on a daily basis I see other girls whose hair, figure, eye color etc. that I'd love to have myself, I know its not the best mindset and many people will say 'be happy with what you have' but as someone who is very focused on makeup, fashion and appearance I really struggle to do so.
One thing I have never understood is my chest, I'm sorry but I genuinely hate it so so much... Every girl my age has now developed boobs, as expected, and I have nothing against small boobs, in fact I personally would love to have small, perky even boobs but mine are a joke. They are flat, minuscule, far apart, different sizes and my chest even dips in creating a pitted effect.
I feel disgusting when I look at them, they're so small and it makes me look so juvenile and pathetic. I've had many sexual experiences and loving, trustworthy boyfriends/girlfriends who have paid no attention whatsoever to my breasts so I know its nothing to do with anyone else's opinion, its my own.
I'm currently seeing someone who I'm super comfortable with and he always asks me to take my top off during sex etc. which I hesitate to do because of my own self esteem, however I do usually do it as he makes me feel so comfortable. I just hate this feeling, I didn't get changed in the changing rooms as a kid in fear that I'd be laughed at for the huge gap between my bra and my chest, I wont even change in front of my mum, sister, best friends etc. because I feel so ugly.
The only time I am fully naked is in the shower, and seeing myself in the mirror makes me feel genuinely depressed because I just don't understand why I've completely failed to grow any form of boobs since I was like 11 years old. I know there are more important things to life but I'm a very anxious person who worries about the way I look and for the most part I do try my best but I can't change my chest. It's not because I want to look 'sexy' to men/women or anything, I want to feel sexy and be proud to wear low cut tops or nice bikinis. I'm so, so self conscious I just hate it so much and I don't know why I'm so degrading towards myself, because if I saw a girl with small boobs it wouldn't cross my mind to judge her.
I just hate the way it looks, I feel like a child still and its got so bad that I sometimes genuinely believe I'm worth less than other girls and women because I failed to obtain something that other females have. I know there is no real solution to this, there's obviously breast augmentation but that isn't something that I can/would consider until I'm old enough but I just wanted to come here to see if anyone else feels this bad.
I genuinely see myself as if I'm a failed version of what I was intended to be simply because I don't have boobs and it does upset me because no one deserves to feel that way and I don't know what has triggered this strong thought. I'm self conscious about basically everything and I'm constantly anxious about being socially accepted but my boobs do really bother me.
I'm so lucky to have a sexual partner that embraces me for me and really doesn't focus on anything silly like that. He knows I'm self conscious, to what extent I'm unsure, but you can tell that he genuinely doesn't care about stuff like that and it does comfort me. However, like I've said its my own thoughts that bother me... I want to feel like I can go swimming in summer without people thinking I'm a 10 year old child and I want to feel happy with my body but I'm honestly struggling so much...
Has anyone else felt this way, if so how did you overcome it?